Some of you are finding out why your little angels had to "clip down" or "change their color" or walk laps at recess so often. Handling behavior in conjunction with learning, as opposed to just their regular free time after school, is a whole new ballgame. Welcome to it.
Your kids are used to you being just mom or just dad. Now, you have to establish yourself as teacher, too. Again, kids thrive when they know what is expected of them. This is true with
schedules as well as behavior.
I read somewhere that if you do not like your kid, no one else does either. Ouch. I'm not sure how much I agree with that, but I will say, YOU are the parent. If you are not enjoying your time with your kids, fix it. If you try one method and see no results, try something else. We are in this for the long haul. This is our new job. We can either hate this time, or make this be a fun time.
Here are some tips from one Momma trying to make it work in Texas.
DISCLAIMER: These things work about 80% of the time on a good day. On bad days, please do not talk to me.
First off, you need to have a family meeting with all of your children young and old. Be up front and honest with them. Talk to them about the importance of keeping up with their learning while we are all at home. Do NOT make any promises such as, "This will all be over in a few weeks, or a month, or a year." Tell them the truth. Kids can see through lies better than you think.
OVER-ACHIEVERS:
Second, ask them to tell you what they think would be good rules to have during school time at home. Explain that these rules might be the same and some might be different than the regular rules your house has. Make a large list of suggested rules. Guide them to group like rules together. Then, several rules can be made into a few major rules. For example: "Talk to the teacher (YOU) with a kind tone", "do not argue", and "obey the first time" can all be grouped together into the rule: "Respect your teacher"
EVERYONE ELSE:
Second, make a simple list of school time rules yourself. Try to make the rules reflect what they need to DO, instead of what they should NOT do. These could include but of course are not limited to:
1. Respect your teacher - that's YOU (speak with a respectful tone, no arguing, obeying the first time)
2. Respect your classmates - that's their siblings (do not distract them from learning, stay in your own space, take turns with technology, speak with a respectful tone, speak encouraging words)
3. Respect yourself (speak kindly of yourself and your abilities, do your best work, take breaks when you need them, keep yourself clean)
4. Respect the classroom - wherever you are having school (take care of supplies, keep a clean work environment,
5. Respect others when using Technology (only speak/type with kindness, mute yourself when not speaking in Zoom meetings, dress appropriately when using the camera)
Third, post said rules somewhere to remind your kids what expectations are during school hours.
NOTE: This is something you will see on the walls of nearly all effective classroom instructors. For the first several days, have kids read through the rules with you before starting class each day. Have them give examples of following the rules and examples of breaking the rules. When your child breaks a rule, have them look at the list and tell you what they should be doing, instead.
Fourth, create a system of rewards and consequences. In ye olden days of the 80s and 90s, behavior was generally handled with consequences only. You probably have memories of names on the board with checks by them but few memories of kids being rewarded regularly for good choices. My first grade class had everyone's name on an apple in a tree. When you got in trouble, you were being a bad apple, and your apple started falling off the tree. Yikes. Nowadays most classrooms offer rewards and consequences - leaning towards positive reinforcement. In the classroom often times this looks like praising the kids making good choices, instead of focusing on those making poor choices. This will look different for each of your homes. Much of it is figuring out what makes you kids tick. Candy? Free time? Screen time? One-on-one reading time with a parent? Outside play? Stickers? Allowance?
In our house, my kids will do just about anything for one M&M. We have a glass jar of M&Ms in the middle of our dining room table, right where everyone can see it as we work. At the end of each subject or chunk of the day, kids who have followed all the rules WITHOUT COMPLAINING, get an M&M. While we are working, if one of my kids starts acting up, I just tap the jar and they usually pull it together. This takes care of the reward and consequence all in one. It also allows everyone an opportunity to start over multiple times in a day. We all need this measure of grace during this time.
Fifth, give your children time to cool off or take breaks as needed. One of my children gets frustrated with himself easily, then cannot calm down and refocus. When he reaches this point, he goes to his room and takes deep breaths in his bed. Some days this is for me as much as it is for him. He is allowed to come back once he calms down and is ready to learn. Your classroom schedule also helps with built-in breaks. If your child finishes a subject before the time for it is up, then they get free time, extra screen time, special reading time with you, etc.
Sixth, when YOU break one of the rules, apologize to your children and work to make things right. Maybe you get so frustrated that you yell. Maybe you speak with a sarcastic, mean tone. Maybe you scream at them that "I AM NOT TEACHER SO-AND-SO WHO IS PERFECT AND CAN OBVIOUSLY DO NO WRONG!" Stop. Tell them you are sorry and ask for forgiveness for the specific thing you did. This teaches your kids how to respond when they make mistakes. Our kids are watching us now more than ever. All. Day. Long.
Seventh, pray for your children. Pray for them by yourself each morning before you start class. Pray for love, patience, kindness, to not be easily angered, to always respect them, and for perseverance. Pray WITH your kids to start the class day. Pray together when they are having a tough time. Pray together when they are doing great. You need the Lord for this time. You cannot do it effectively alone.
What have you done for behavior that works?