Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Morning Mourning

I used to be a morning person.  That was before I had children.  Now, sleep is that delicious time when no one is calling my name, and I have no messes to clean up.  It is magical.

Thus, every morning when my alarm clock goes off, I am plunged into the deepest of mourning.   To overcome the loss of my precious sleep I must battle through the five stages of grief.

DENIAL No! It is scientifically not possible for it to be morning. I seriously put down my laptop and closed my eyes five minutes ago. The time just doesn't add up.

These groggy thoughts swiftly morph into ANGER. The term "daybreak" is very fitting. Hearing my alarm makes me want to break everything within reach. The only thing keeping that annoying son of a gun from being thrown across the room is its power cord. The alarm continues, unaware its fate hangs in the balance.

I then move on to what is typically my longest stage: BARGAINING. Hmmm...I can press snooze and just not shave my legs today. Snooze 2 is just wash my hair and face in the sink. Snooze 3 and it becomes ponytail day.

At this point in my morning I reach a crossroad. Option A: I can wake up to have a moment with God before the day starts, or Option B: Snooze 4 and the children will be up before I have time alone with the Lord.

Option A is what my mind wants to do. It turns the weeping (self-pity) to dancing and the sorrow to joy.

Option B is what my body is screaming for. However, choosing this sends me into the eventual stages of DEPRESSION followed by ACCEPTANCE of my selfishness.

I have been fighting this battle within myself for my entire adult life. I like to think that I am not a selfish person. But, when that alarm sounds in the sleepy morning hours, the only person I care about is me.

How sad is that? God has done so much for me. So much. But I would rather sleep than spend time with Him?

Before I could waller in my self-depreciating thoughts any longer, God showed me this verse:

Photo by Sarah Grace Photography

I totally love that this is written with "she" in it. So much of the Bible is "he." Not that there's anything wrong with that, but when I read a "she" verse, I tend to sit up and pay more attention. Can I get a holla from my she friends?

Knowing God is helping me at the very break of day has changed me.  Trying to will myself to wake up on my own has resulted in a near decade of failure.  But now, the mornings have gotten easier.  I've even showered most of this week...but don't feel my legs.

As I war with my selfishness, He helps me...He fights me for me.

Even at daybreak.

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