Monday, November 18, 2013

The First Goodbye

I wanted to write this yesterday.  I tried to write this last week.  I couldn't bring myself to do it last month.  Back in August, we said goodbye to our Hope Child.  Our first goodbye as a foster family.

What do you say to a child that has become your own, as you pack up all her things?  How do you make a child's brain understand you are not abandoning them - like everyone else?  We spoke to her of this relative she did not remember.  We prayed this family would love Hope Child.  That they would love God.

The momma in me was dying.  I rocked this girl to sleep when she was too scared to be alone.  I washed her dirty clothes.  Wiped her tears.  Played with her.  We were there as she threw temper tantrums and when she laughed.  How could I give up this child?

Surrender was the only thing that got me through.  Not surrendering to CPS or the family, but surrendering to God.  I am not the author of this precious darling's life.  God is.  He has a plan for her.  I prayed for God to press this on my heart, and He did.  I had such a peace.

Even still, carrying her inside the CPS building was tough.  I was taking this child of my heart to someone else.  Someone related to the people who had caused her so much pain.  We had been praying.  Praying crazy hard.  That this family would be God-followers.  That this family would know how to love.

We got to be there when they met Hope Child.  She clung to us.  We stayed for a long time.  Playing.  Talking.  She slowly warmed to them but stayed right beside us.  As I spoke to the new family I saw their love for God and their love for Hope Child.  We cried together over answered prayers.

When it was time for us to leave, Hope Child would not let us go.  And there went my heart.  Ripped out.  We decided to all pray together.  And something wonderful happened.  I felt the presence of God.  His peace descended upon me.  He must have done the same for Hope Child.  As soon as the amen was said, she let go of us and ran into the arms of her family.

God showed up that day.  He answered prayers.  My cup overflowed.

And as soon as we got in the car, our eyes also overflowed.

The girls still talk about Hope Child.  We have been very open and honest with them.  At six and four years-old, they have lots of questions.  Questions I never thought we would be faced with so young.  Questions I am still wrestling with.

But most of them have the same answer, "I don't know, but God knows.  He is in charge of Hope Child's life.  We have to trust God."

Help me Lord to do this.

1 comment:

  1. Wow! Hannah this was very powerful to read and even though I don't have a foster child your story gave me hope in a situation we're dealing with! God does have a plan for everyone! God bless you and your family for doing what you're doing! Miss ya!